for boarding my own body

The other night, as I laid my restless and tired body, I felt seeing

In the noisy limit of my visual field, around that limit without measure, I felt light hitting me like ocean waves were carrying my body up and down

I was no longer extended into the outside, no longer sliding through surfaces, skimming textures or chasing reflections, no longer defining space boundaries, vanishing points or origin locations

There were no left geometries to cast upon this eery pool, no estimations to resolve. My liquid inner ears were all I ever needed to stay grounded

No vision had a definite shape, it seemed like an imperceptible but blinding light had burned shadows in my eyes, I felt how they were now attached to the surface of my eye

It seemed clear that it was never located outside, I felt it as close as anything I could feel

I thought this to be unprecedented, no visual input was supposed to feel this close, this raw. This was not a visual language that my eyes were supposed to conjure

I did no longer encounter a viewfinder, without access to the reflection, all I had was the topography of a reflective surface, an agitated puddle of pure sensation

A spicy coat in the front of my head. I had blatantly forgotten its original shape

Somehow, its noise was sharper that any shape I could remember, the quality no longer depended on the accuracy of optical alignments or on the dampening of my body's vibrations and movements in relation to it

Before that night, I claimed having the ability to know the dimension of every cell in my retina, all I needed to do was to align it with the light of any distant star, I argued that because no ray is thinner than that of such far-traveling light I could safely assume that it could only affect one cell at a time, and whatever I saw as the shape and size of a star was actually that of a single cell being excited

I knew that such a stable alignment was not very likely at all, and that my perception of starlight was closer to an average of light over a set of cells that spanned the amplitude of my body's vibration in relation to the star.

So I dreamed with a brief stillness, in which my body, the planet it laid on and the distant star would wait for a single moment, and allow me to directly experience the true thinness of stars in the shape of my cells.

That night I no longer felt the need of having such a dream, the shapeless noise was never going to wait for me, it was unruly, it did not have time to play with imposed patterns or idealized abstractions

It was not for me to subdue it, no longer an incidental grained layering, the stir was here, closer than anything else, it was nothing but vision

Faced with this flaring upheaval, It became impossible to remember the sense of depth, it was now too late, and its aspect too foreign

I was not becoming blind, not in the sense I ever imagined it to be, vision was no longer recognition, it was meaningless, but intensely present

I could only be there, at the mercy of light touching my eyes

In the end silence was not in stillness, it was in continuous, undirected motion

The damned floaters were right all along: that night was not about phosphenes

Cut some new lines in your palms with the night like you own it and don't trip
Burn what you've learned in the black hole and wait for the winter to split

I know, I know, we could go, we could go
Climb up the towers
I know, I know, we could go, we could go
Play with the powers

Cut some new lines in your palms with the night like you own it and don't trip
Burn what you've learned in the black hole and wait for the winter to split

I know, I know, we could go, we could go
Turn time into trouble
I know, I know, we could go, we could go
Try to see double

Cut those new lines in your palms with the night like you own it and don't trip
Burn what you've learned in the black hole and wait for the winter to split

I know, I know, we could go, we could go
M-I-S-S-I-N-G
I know, I know, you could go, you could go
M-I-S-S-I-N-G

Zach Hill - Stoic Logic

Love, child, reach, rise, sight, blind, steal, light
Mind, scar, clear, fire, clean, right, pure, kind
Sun, come, sky, tar, mouth, sand, teeth, tongue
Cut, push, reach, inside, feed, breathe, touch, come
No pain, no death, no fear, no hate, no time, no now, no suffering
No touch, no loss, no hand, no sense, no wound, no waste, no lust, no fear
No mind, no greed, no suffering, no thought, no hurt, no hands to reach
No knife, no words, no lie, no cure, no need, no hate, no will, no speech
No dream, no sleep, no suffering
No pain, no now, no time, no here
No knife, no mind, no hand, no fear
Love! Now!
Breathe! Now!
Here! Now!
Here! Now!
Here! Now!

Swans - Screen shot

It holds us like a phantom
The touch is like a breeze
It shines its understanding
See the moon smiling
Open on all channels
Ready to receive
And we're not at the mercy
Of your shimmers or spells
Your shimmers or spells
We are of the earth
To her we do return
The future is inside us
It's not somewhere else
It's not somewhere else
It's not somewhere else
One day at a time
We call upon the people
People have this power
The numbers don't decide
Your system is a lie
The river running dry
The wings of a butterfly
And you may pour us away like soup
Like we're pretty broken flowers
We'll take back what is ours
Take back what is ours
One day at a time

Radiohead - Numbers

And you may find yourself
Living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself
In another part of the world
And you may find yourself
Behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house
With a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, well
How did I get here?
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground
And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Water dissolving and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Under the water, carry the water
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!
Water dissolving and water removing
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again into silent water
Under the rocks and stones, there is water underground
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground
You may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
You may ask yourself
Where does that highway go to?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right? Am I wrong?
And you may say yourself
"My God! What have I done?"
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again into the silent water
Under the rocks and stones, there is water underground
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Look where my hand was
Time isn't holding up
Time isn't after us
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Letting the days go by
Same as it ever was
And here the twister comes
Here comes the twister
Letting the days go by (same as it ever was)
Same as it ever was (same as it ever was)
Letting the days go by (same as it ever was)
Same as it ever was
Once in a lifetime
Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by


Talking Heads - Once in a lifetime

The passage of time
Is flicking dimly up on the screen
I can't see the lines
I used to think I could read between
Perhaps my brains have turned to sand
Oh me, oh my
I think it's been an eternity
You'd be surprised
At my degree of uncertainty
How can moments go so slow?
Several times
I've seen the evening slide away
Watching the signs
Taking over from the fading day
Perhaps my brains are old and scrambled
Several times
(Who would believe what a poor set of eyes can show you?)
I've seen the evening slide away
While watching the signs
(Who would believe what an innocent voice could do?)
Taking over from the fading day
Changing water into wine
(Never a silence; always a face at the door)
Several times
(Who would believe what a poor set of eyes can show you?)
I've seen the evening slide away
(Who would believe what a poor set of ears can tell you?)
Watching the signs
(Who would believe what a weak pair of hands can do?)
Taking over from the fading day
Putting grapes back on the vine
(Never a silence; always a foot in the door)

Brian Eno - Golden hours

Imagine a future and be in it
Feel this incredible nurture, soak it in
Your past is on loop—turn it off
See this possible future and be in it
Hold fort for love forever
We're just momentary vessels
We're just carrying
Trust your head around
Guide your stare elsewhere
Your love is already waiting
You're already in it
Hold fort for love forever
Watch me form new nests
Weave a matriarchal dome
Build a musical scaffolding
Between sleep and awake
Day and night
Between night and day
You say I mirror peoples' missions at them
Now you mirror at me who I used to be
What I gave to the world
You've giving back at me
Hold fort for love forever

Bjork - Future forever